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Aug 21

What to do When a Friend Comes out of the Closet to You

Posted By iamincontrol | August 21, 2018

Coming out of the closet is the term for when someone:

  1. Accepts and identifies with their gender identity and/or sexual orientation
  2. Willingly shares their identity with others

For most coming out is a series of decisions LGBTQ people make. A choice to come out to a person means that person feels safe, comfortable and trust you.   People may be “out” in some spaces or with certain people, and “in” with others and it’s important for you respect that.

Here are a few Do’s and Don’ts if a friend comes out to you.


  1. Say “I always knew,” or downplay the significance of their sharing with you. It was a very important and probably difficult decision to share this with you.
  2. Forget that they are still the person you knew, befriended, or loved before.
  3. Cross personal-lines you wouldn’t have crossed earlier.
  4. Assume you know why they came out to you.


  1. Know this is a sign of huge trust! (Yay!)
  2. Check how confidential information this is. Ask things like “do other people know?” or “is this a secret?”
  3. Remember that their gender/sexuality is just one part of who they are.
  4. Ask them how you can best support them.

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