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I AM in Iowa Adolescents Making Choices to Control Their Future Teen:Health, Relationship, Body and Sexuality

Tag: relationships

Sep 9

You Are Worth It

Posted By iamincontrol | September 9, 2014

you are worth it
By E

My name is E, and I am a college sophomore. I decided to write a blog post after I was given the opportunity to if I felt encouraged. I thought about it for a while, convinced I wouldn’t have time or would forget, and then decided to share my story. I am not sure if my story will relate to those reading it, but if it does, I hope you feel encouraged or in some way reassured that you are not alone, there are others going through life with you, and there is always a light waiting for you at the end of whatever tunnel you are going through. I am unsure, as I begin to write, whether I am writing for solely the audience of these blogs or partly for myself. I think writing your feelings and expressing the hurts allows you to finally close chapters. So as I write this, I write for myself and I write for you: I hope in some way this can help you, a friend, or maybe myself.

I have always loved people. Pleasing people, making them smile, laugh, or just making them happy. I always had many friends. I was the “goofy friend”; I liked to eat, I liked to laugh. I was never the most popular, most pretty, or most athletic- but I loved the positive attention I got from being funny and happy. Growing up I was heavier. Never to the point where I needed to be on a diet, but “healthy,” as my mom would call my extra weight I had over the other girls and boys in my class. I was overweight until seventh grade when all of a sudden I wasn’t happy with my body. The media became more of something I paid attention to. I noticed I didn’t look like the other girls in my class, and I definitely didn’t look like any of the females glamorized on TV or magazine covers. Within about four months I lost 35 pounds. I gained more friends. I gained more attention. I gained more attention from boys- and I loved it. The only thing I wasn’t continually gaining was weight. My friends and their parents would often comment how thin I looked, asking if I was eating. Some parents even contacted my mom to make sure I was alright. Truthfully, I was much thinner, but I finally felt healthier and I was. When I started to starve myself, limiting meals and calories and busting hundreds of calories in the weight room, that is when I became obsessed with “thinness”.

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Aug 28

Don’t Be a Bystander

Posted By iamincontrol | August 28, 2014

teenage girl
By Kathryn

Within my group of friends, there was this one friend who seemed to have it all together. She excelled in the classroom as well as in sports. She was involved in various clubs and organizations. She was very outgoing and responsible; our classmates and teachers liked her as well. At one time I would have considered her one of my best friends.

During the fall of my senior year of high school, my friend began to date a guy the grade below us. He seemed like a nice guy, a farm boy who caused some trouble, but nothing terrible. My friend seemed happy about her new relationship, and she quickly began to fall in love.

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Jul 22

Toxic Relationships

Posted By iamincontrol | July 22, 2014

Upset teen male
By Brittany

Although this story is not a personal one, it affected my fiancé, Hunter, who is obviously extremely close to my heart. He told me about his dating history shortly after our relationship began and I think his story is something we can all relate to in one aspect or another.

He was 16 when he met Ashley on a band trip with their high school. He had just moved to this school from a couple hours away and was excited to meet new people. Their relationship started slowly at first, and before he knew it he was completely enamored with this mysterious, older girl. Soon they started spending more and more time together, and Hunter could tell he was really starting to fall for her. His parents saw red-flags right away though. They noticed he was acting differently, dressing differently, and was almost never home to spend time with them or his younger siblings. They became concerned and expressed these concerns to him, but he blew them off. He thought he was old enough to make his own decisions, and ‘What did they know about his relationship?’ Hunter told me that he knew he was in a full blown ‘puppy-love’ state of mind with Ashley. He wanted to spend every waking moment next to her. He began to abandon other important things in his life to be with her. He stopped participating in after-school activities because she would want to hang out. He even stopped being friends with a couple of his closest friends because she did not like them. His relationship was getting to a toxic point, yet he didn’t realize it.

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Jul 3

Conflicting Values: Marijuana

Posted By iamincontrol | July 3, 2014

By Jamie

When I was in my junior and senior year of high school, I dated a guy who smoked a lot of pot. I hated this because I was against drug use. I didn’t like it because it was illegal and it is bad for you. Why would you intentionally get high on a regular basis if you didn’t need to for medical purposes? It directly affected me because I was worried about him. I knew he had random drug tests at work, and I didn’t want him to get in trouble with the law. I also didn’t like being around him when he was high.

Even though I wasn’t the one smoking marijuana, I was still affected by it. He knew it bothered me when he smoked, so he started hiding it from me. That led to trust issues because I knew he was lying to me when he would say he “quit” or hadn’t smoked in days. I knew when he was lying, and that led to other issues. Even though he was trying to keep me happy and just keep me out of the loop from his drug use, I didn’t appreciate all the sneaking around. Because of this, I learned that there is only so much you can do as a friend and a loved one.

If there is something that is really affecting someone you love, you may need to get help from other people. I learned that addiction is hard. Just because he didn’t quit for me doesn’t mean he didn’t care about me. Luckily, he doesn’t smoke on a regular basis anymore. We are no longer dating, but I like to keep in touch and remain good friends.

I would recommend visiting the following website about how to help a friend with their substance use. You may also be interested in how to help a friend quit smoking.  It’s about tobacco, but some of the recommendations apply to quitting other things too.

Jul 1

Bringing Friends Together

Posted By iamincontrol | July 1, 2014

Group of friends
The results are in!  Last month we asked you: “How would you describe your friend group?”

You said:

  • We’re a super tight group and only hang out with each other. (0%)
  • I have a main friend group, but I have other friends too. (66%)
  • I float between lots of groups. (33%)
  • We don’t have friend groups at my school – everyone hangs together. (0%)

Sometimes when you are friends with more than one group, it can be hard to juggle being part of both.  Lexia shares her story below about how she brought two friend groups together to solve that issue.

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Jun 26

Controlling Relationship

Posted By iamincontrol | June 26, 2014

controlling relationship
By Taylor

I was in an abusive relationship my freshman year in high school.  When someone thinks of an abusive relationship, they think of someone who has bruises and has physical evidence of abuse.  This was not my case at all.  He had an older brother who was a senior and had a lot of control in the school.  I was pressured into dating this guy and pressured to stay in the relationship.  He sexually abused me after a couple of months of dating.  I knew I should tell someone, but felt like if I did no one at school would believe me.  He made all of the decisions in our relationship and isolated me from everyone; he was extremely possessive and jealous too.

One day I was so fed up with everything that I just texted him and broke it off.  The next day at school he got in my face and demanded a reason.  I simply said I could not take it anymore and to leave me alone.  He acted depressed, and he and his brother tried to make me that way too.  Instead, when people said anything to me about the situation, I told them what really happened.  It felt great, and people did believe me because of how he reacted when I ended it.  Do not be afraid to end it; more people will believe you and realize what was going on than you think!

Some of you may have heard of this website from school or television, but I suggest you take their quiz even if you believe you are in a perfect relationship.

If you are experiencing abuse, there is help.  You can chat with someone at, call 866.331.9474, or text “loveis” to 22522.  Everyone deserves a safe, healthy relationship.

Jun 24

Coping with Infidelity

Posted By iamincontrol | June 24, 2014

Sad teen with parents fighting
By Kelsi

As a sophomore in high school and the oldest of three siblings, I always felt like I had a lot on my plate. Growing up, I had nothing to complain about, but then things got weird. My dad was always working on his racecar, and when he was done, he would sleep on the couch. I will never forget the moment my mom told me what was really going on. I was in the shower when she came in and told me that she had been cheating on my dad. The first thing that crossed my mind was the timing. I was in the shower. Maybe she was just scared and felt like she needed to tell me ASAP, but after this, things definitely went downhill. Being from a small town, everyone knew. Going to school and staying focused was hard, but the hardest thing of all was making sure my siblings were okay.

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May 27

The Cost of Fitting In

Posted By iamincontrol | May 27, 2014

By Emily

When I was in high school, I didn’t appreciate all of the awesome people around me that looked out and cared for me. I was very selfish, and all I cared about was trying to fit in.

While trying to fit in with the group of kids I thought was cool, I lost sight of the people who cared about me, including my family. I found myself lying to try and fit in. I started using new substances I never thought I would. But it landed me a new boyfriend, and that was all that mattered to me at the time. I started to do things I could never have imagined myself doing: sneaking out, smoking weed, drinking, etc. I grew further and further apart from the few close friends I did have, and most importantly, my family.

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May 15

Growing Up in South Korea: Bullying

Posted By iamincontrol | May 15, 2014

Stop bullying
By Anonymous

I want to talk about bullying experiences I had in my country, South Korea. I was bullied twice in my life. The first bullying experience was when I was in middle school. I used to be a figure skater back then. Because of practice time, I didn’t go to school often. My peers were jealous of me not going to school very often and getting advantages from being an athlete. I didn’t have any friends in my class. I didn’t care at first, but later some of girls wrote my name with cussing words on the field in front of the school. I was so shocked that I was being bullied for that reason. I assumed it was because I was an athlete; I still don’t know exactly why they hated me so much.

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May 6

Unexpected Break Up & April Poll Results

Posted By iamincontrol | May 6, 2014

Teen couple holding hands
The results are in!  Last month we asked you guys:

“Who do you trust most when it comes to relationship advice?”

You guys said:

  • Friends (53%)
  • Siblings (6%)
  • Parents (13%)
  • Other adults (26%)

It makes sense that most of you go to friends for dating advice – they’re probably going through the same things you are and know the people you’re talking about.  That’s why it’s important to not forget your friends when you start dating someone, as hard as that can be.  They’re the ones that will be there for you through thick and thin (and if you go to someone else for advice, make sure you don’t lose touch with them either!).  Read below about one teen’s experience with getting too involved in a relationship and ignoring her friends.

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