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I AM in Control.org Iowa Adolescents Making Choices to Control Their Future Teen:Health, Relationship, Body and Sexuality

Tag: relationships

Dec 23

The Real Hunger Games: Finding Peace in the Day to Day

Posted By iamincontrol | December 23, 2014

The Hunger Games came out last week and like most of you, I had to get my eyes on that silver screen for the midnight premiere. I had to see part one of the ending of the saga of the Mockingjay. The movie, of course, did not disappoint. Full of action, love, and twists the movie is a must see during this holiday season.

There were parts in the movie that made me think. I know there have been certain times in my life, when friendships and relationships shift and change. Sometimes, a friendship, that you thought you couldn’t live without, takes a nosedive and blows up right in your face.  It’s a fact of life that things will change and we have a choice to fight that change or let it naturally ride its course.

Within the Mockingjay Part 1, we hear Katniss say “I never wanted any of this. I just wanted to protect my sister and keep Peeta alive.” I know I have said that same thing about a friendship or relationship that has been in shambles.  President Snow says “The things we love the most, they destroy us” I know when I love someone so much and our relationship is on the rocks; it’s like I rent free space in my mind to this hostel tenant. It’s like overthinking will help restore that friendship. And one of the worst feelings is when you love someone more than they love you. In the case of Katniss, on the nights before the Hunger Games, she let her sister, Petta’s love, and Gale’s love consume her to a point where she was willing to stand up to the capital or eat poisonous berries to save those relationships.  

Much like Katniss, she allowed for others to be the source of her peace. And in return, the people found Katniss to be the source of their peace. Their Mockingjay. And while this allowed for the revolution to occur, it made Katniss lose everything. Getting thrown into the hunger games twice, love struggles with Gale, etc. You should NEVER allow someone else be the source of your peace. You are in peace when you think your friends are not mad at you. You are in peace when you get ten likes on your Instagram photo.  You are at peace when that special someone Kiks you back. That form of peace is worthless and will always disappoint. So shake off that type of peace and learn to find peace in other things. I know I find peace when I connect to my family, multiple different friends, go to the gym on a daily basis, and spend time doing “me” tasks (cooking, reading, watching my favorite TV show). So find your peace methods, because it’s a lasting peace.


 

Dec 18

Emojis: Working Through the Crap in Your Life

Posted By iamincontrol | December 18, 2014

HAND UP IF YOU LOVE EMOJIS!! No one loves emojis more than this guy. I use them to communicate in my texts more than I use words sometimes. The emoji is that added flare to my texts that portrays my emotions to a tee. Who knew that such a small picture could do that? I guess the age old saying, “a picture says a thousand words,” has never been truer than for the emojis.

 

When you look at the large array of emojis found in the keyboard. One may start to appreciate the large amount of feelings humans feel. This may overwhelm someone, cause someone to become devastated by the amount of sad feelings one can feel. And to be honest, it is overwhelming. As humans, we cry, laugh, smile, frown, feel, hurt, and become angered, feared, or excited. All these emotions seem to be working together for or against our daily lives.

 

But, one emotion that the emoji fails to encompass is hope. For instance, maybe you had hoped: Hoped that you would get that role in the play, hoped that you would start on the basketball team, or hoped that you would have had a boyfriend/girlfriend by your senior year of high school. And I know that when I am in a mess of emotions and disappointments and someone says “If one door closes, there’s always a window.” I want to find that window and push that person out of it. I don’t think it’s a good idea to blindly walk around with a smile thinking everything will go our way and not recognize our emotions.

 

But one thing that every person wants is hope. Hope that comes from betrayal, denial, and suckiness, now, that’s a hope that will last. A hope that recognizes that being human is feeling all the types of emojis and more, but still knowing that things will get better. So be hopeful, because hope is taking that emoji and shoving it into a situation until it shows beauty and goodness, until it gets better, and it will.


 

Dec 9

On this Holiday Season: Change Your Relationships with our Body

Posted By iamincontrol | December 9, 2014

It’s finally the holiday season—-YES!! Just give me that Thanksgiving Turkey, Christmas Cookies, and Candy Canes. I eat just as much as the next person. AND then, New Years Eve hits and say good-bye to the last two months of over indulgences. But recently, I’ve been on this new kick that I suggest we all move to. As you think about those news years’ resolutions, I know many will jump to create a resolution about their body or weight. And it is great to have goals.

            But rather than changing our weight, we need to start creating a relationship with our body. Our body has needs just like everything: it wants attention, nutrients, and exercise. We have to create a relationship with our body. One that treats it with respect by identifying what types of attention it needs. One that gives it foods that help it feel good like vegetables and proteins, rather than sugars and fats that make us feel lousy.  One that moves it to feel better. So this is my new years resolution: To listen to my body and treat it with respect.

Listen to what Gina has to say about this:

“As a kid I was always told I was “big boned.” In grade school, I towered over my peers year after year and even now nothing has really changed—except my weight. At any given point in my life I would have never consider myself “thin” or “skinny,” I was never built to be that way. However, in middle school I gained a lot of weight. Clinically, I was considered obese. Emotionally, I wasn’t happy. Even at such a young age, I realized that I needed to lose weight for my health and my well-being.

Over the course of the next year, I lost weight with the support of my mom and helpful weight-loss programs. I lost the weight slowly and began exercising and learning to eat right.  That was about 10 years ago, and my journey hasn’t ended. I’m still tall, and I’m still big boned, but I’m healthy—and I love my body. I’m still not “thin” or “skinny,” but I feed my body right and try my best to be physically active. All bodies are different; some are thin; some are tall; others are wide; and some are short. As humans we aren’t all made to look the same, but our body’s all deserve mutual respect. With all of the messages out there that are telling us how we need to look, it can be hard to focus on how our bodies make us feel. We will all have days when we aren’t feeling 100% confident in our own skin. But, what’s important is that we do our best to be healthy and treat our body’s right, no matter what the size. “

By Gina

Nov 26

#It’sOnUs: Why is the President Taking Over the Silver Screen

Posted By iamincontrol | November 26, 2014

http://itsonus.org/#videos

 

Has anyone seen the commercial called “It’s on Us”?! Where the camera shot focuses up close and over and over again on faces of celebrities and even the vice president and president. Well, since I wasn’t quite sure what they meant by all this “It’s On Us” stuff, I did some investigation.

 

The campaign is to help increase awareness about sexual assault in the US. In addition, they are encouraging people to no just stand around and let this happen, but to actually take a major role in stepping in or preventing it. They want everyone to sign a pledge that says this:

To recognize that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.

To identify situations in which sexual assault may occur.

To intervene in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.

To create an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported

 

If you don’t think sexual assault is bad in your school, think again! These stats tell a different story: Approximately 1.8 million adolescents in the United States have been the victims of sexual assault– 1 in 3 females and 1 in 6 males are sexually assaulted before the age of eighteen. That means that if you took three times the population of adolescents in Iowa—that’s how many teens are getting sexually assaulted in the US. It’s time this got national coverage. It is on Us to reverse these statistics, starting with us. Please log on to Facebook and like the “It’s On Us” Page, Follow them on Twitter, and sign on to this website and sign the petition to end sexual assault: http://itsonus.org/#pledge.

Nov 25

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are

Posted By iamincontrol | November 25, 2014

teenage friends
By Molly

You will find out who your true friends are when you are in high school. The friends that back you up and are on your side no matter what, those are your true friends. I struggled with finding my true friends. I went through the phase of wanting to hang out with all the popular girls from my class.  I soon became a part of their clique and all I worried about was what my plans were for the weekend. I began to be rude to my parents and flat out mean to anyone that tried to talk to me that wasn’t part of my ‘clique’. My three best friends that I grew up with noticed the change and didn’t like it. They told me that I was turning into a stuck up that would do anything to please my new friends.

I soon began to notice that my ‘new friends’ were actually rude to everyone. They didn’t care about the other people. They wanted to make fun of them and gossip. This showed me that I was better than that and that I should be nice to everyone. I stopped hanging out with them, and my parents and friends noticed me going back to how I was. You realize that your true friends will bring out the best in you. They will still support you no matter what decisions you make throughout your life.

You are in control of finding the right friends for you.

Nov 10

“I CAN SMELL YOUR SCENT FROM MILES” – WHAT DID ADAM LEVINE JUST SAY?

Posted By iamincontrol | November 10, 2014

Just like most of America, I am a huge fan of Maroon 5’s music.  When the Iowa State Fair announced, a few years ago, that Maroon 5 and Train would be a headliner in their concert series. I was sold and could be found near the front on the right side of the stage jamming to “Moves Like Jagger” and “Hey, Soul Sister.” The band’s front man, Adam Levine, has gotten a lot of attention lately for his marriage and role on the popular TV show, “The Voice.” But with the video above, I am starting to rethink my love for the band?

If you haven’t watched the video, the video displays Adam Levine stalking his wife in the grocery store, on the street, and even in her bedroom. In addition, the lead man is found taking photos of his “prey”. Lastly, Adam is displayed running around a cooler hugging shanks of meat and pour blood over himself. The video leads the viewer wondering—what is the point and why?

Is Adam just trying to show off his wife? Show off his abs? I am not sure. But one thing the video does is tries to “okay” stalking and turning people into pieces of meat to devour. Some people may say that this is art or not care, but what does this say about how we treat our boyfriends or girlfriends. What does this say about how we treat those that we care about? As a piece of meat, I want to never be thought of as that. Maybe Maroon 5 went for the shock factor; but before they sing lines like, “hunt you down, eat you alive”, they should think about turning people into a side of beef.

Nov 4

Putting Friends First

Posted By iamincontrol | November 4, 2014

teenage friends
The results are in! 

Last month we asked you guys:

Do you ever spend too much time with your boyfriend/girlfriend and forget to spend time with your friends?

You guys said:

  • Yeah. I want to spend as much time with my boyfriend/girlfriend as possible. (50%)
  • Sometimes that happens, but I try to make it up to my friends later. (33%)
  • Never!  My friends always come first. (16%)

It’s easy to get caught up in a relationship.  It’s exciting, and you might want to spend every waking hour with this person.  But remember that your friends and family are the ones who will be there for you if anything ever goes wrong.  Read how Hannah learned that below.

Read More

Oct 30

Who to Talk to?

Posted By iamincontrol | October 30, 2014

teen with question mark
By Kayleen

Growing up is tough.  There are so many experiences and changes you face throughout middle and high school.  Some big changes that arise have to do with your sexual health.  (If you aren’t quite sure what we mean by “sexual health,” the Act Together For Youth page on What is Sexual Health? may be able to help.)

When you have a question about sexual health, where do you go?  The first thing you may do is pick up your phone or use your computer to look up the answer on the Internet.  The Internet does have a few reliable and helpful websites, but it is not always the same as talking to someone about your question.

Who is the person in your life that you can ask questions about sexual health?  Friends/peers may be the first people that you go to, but they may not be very knowledgeable on the subject. They may be wondering the same thing as you.  One of the best people you can talk to, besides a family physician or nurse, would be a parent or trusted adult in your life.  Some teens are already close to a parent or trusted adult and have established a relationship where open conversation is easy. That is a great relationship to have.  Other teens do not that have relationship with a parent or trusted adult at all, but it’s never too late to establish one.

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Oct 28

Hard Lesson to Learn

Posted By iamincontrol | October 28, 2014

teenage girl
By Kayla

In 8th grade, I started the longest relationship of my life. I was 14.  It lasted until my freshman year of college!  I jumped into it thinking he was the one and never thought it would ever be bad.  About a year into the relationship, we started to argue a lot.  I could never go out with my friends without him assuming I was with other guys.  He was very insecure.  I always wanted to prove to him that I wasn’t hurting him and that I loved him.

Two years after that, we started breaking up, off and on.  When my freshman year of college started, I had enough of the way he was treating me.  I stopped caring about what he had to say.  I just thought about what my life would be like if I stayed and if he was ever going to change.  If he wasn’t, was I going to let him keep treating me this way? Was I going to be a boring, stay at home girlfriend who never went out unless it was with him?  I ended up spending more time with my mom and dad at home and ignoring his texts and his feelings.  I know my mom was very happy when we finally broke up.  She had seen me cry countless times and waste years of high school on him instead of having fun with school and friends.

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Sep 25

Reproductive Coercion

Posted By iamincontrol | September 25, 2014

birth control pills
REPRODUCTIVE COERCION: What is it?

Sexual coercion is a term used to describe when someone pressures, forces, or uses manipulation to get someone else to engage in a sexual act that they don’t want to do or are uncertain about doing.  How about reproductive coercion?  Maybe you’ve heard about it, but probably not.  This term is being used to describe behaviors that interfere with a person’s decision about use of contraception or getting pregnant.  It is typically a form of pressure or control that an intimate partner may use related to sexual activities.  For example, a young man may put lots of pressure to have sex without using condoms because it affects his perception of pleasure – regardless of the risk to his partner for an STD or pregnancy.  Another example would be a young woman who tells her boyfriend that she is using birth control but really isn’t because she wants to get pregnant (even if her boyfriend doesn’t).  On the flip side, a guy who wants his girlfriend to get pregnant (even if she doesn’t) may mess with her birth control pills so she is not protected. There are usually two types of reproductive coercion: birth control sabotage (attempts to interfere with use of effective birth control) and pregnancy pressure/coercion (attempts to influence decisions about pregnancy).

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