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I AM in Control.org Iowa Adolescents Making Choices to Control Their Future Teen:Health, Relationship, Body and Sexuality

Tag: boyfriend

May 27

The Cost of Fitting In

Posted By iamincontrol | May 27, 2014

Shoes
By Emily

When I was in high school, I didn’t appreciate all of the awesome people around me that looked out and cared for me. I was very selfish, and all I cared about was trying to fit in.

While trying to fit in with the group of kids I thought was cool, I lost sight of the people who cared about me, including my family. I found myself lying to try and fit in. I started using new substances I never thought I would. But it landed me a new boyfriend, and that was all that mattered to me at the time. I started to do things I could never have imagined myself doing: sneaking out, smoking weed, drinking, etc. I grew further and further apart from the few close friends I did have, and most importantly, my family.

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May 6

Unexpected Break Up & April Poll Results

Posted By iamincontrol | May 6, 2014

Teen couple holding hands
The results are in!  Last month we asked you guys:

“Who do you trust most when it comes to relationship advice?”

You guys said:

  • Friends (53%)
  • Siblings (6%)
  • Parents (13%)
  • Other adults (26%)

It makes sense that most of you go to friends for dating advice – they’re probably going through the same things you are and know the people you’re talking about.  That’s why it’s important to not forget your friends when you start dating someone, as hard as that can be.  They’re the ones that will be there for you through thick and thin (and if you go to someone else for advice, make sure you don’t lose touch with them either!).  Read below about one teen’s experience with getting too involved in a relationship and ignoring her friends.

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Apr 29

How I Moved on After a Break Up

Posted By iamincontrol | April 29, 2014

Teenage girl
By Monica

When I was in 10th grade, I was dating this guy I really liked. We met at youth group at church. He was a couple years older than me, and I’m surprised my parents even let me date him. My parents had to meet him and be around him a lot. For a while, if I wanted to go somewhere with him, I had to take my little brother with me. I really started to have strong feelings for this guy, but we were both in different areas in our lives. I was in high school, and he was in college.

He ended up breaking up with me before my last soccer game of the season. I was so angry and upset that I actually played better than normal in my last game. My teammates and coach even asked me what was going on and what changed. Only one of my teammates knew what happened. My teammate told me that someone should break up with me more often, and I just laughed.

I still went to youth group every week, and sometimes I would be sad because I was so used to being with him at youth group. There was this other boy who kept trying to flirt with me, and he actually made me laugh. I kind of started talking to him so I could get over my ex-boyfriend, but then we actually started dating. Things were going well for about a year or so until I had to move to Iowa.  I had been living in another state at the time. My dad got a new job, and I moved with my family.  So my new boyfriend and I had to date long distance. Then, when I came back for prom and for part of the summer, my ex was back and wanted to try to work things out. I couldn’t decide what I wanted. I missed my ex so much.  So I took a break for my boyfriend at the time, but I ended up choosing my new boyfriend over any guy.

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Apr 1

What does being in a relationship mean?

Posted By addie | April 1, 2014

 

The results are in!

Last month’s poll question was:

When do you consider yourself in a relationship?

You guys said:

  • If we hang out a lot (11%)
  • If we’ve gone on one date (33%)
  • When we call each other boyfriend/girlfriend (55%)

Being in a relationship can mean different things to different people, and when you’re in one, you might want different things than someone else.  Watch this video to see what other teens look for in a boyfriend or girlfriend.

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Mar 27

Why I Will Wait

Posted By iamincontrol | March 27, 2014

Teen couple
By Alexandra

Growing up in today’s society, it feels that everyone is having sex. Sex is everywhere, TV, music, movies, and hearing it from peers. During high school many of my friends lost their virginity by the time we graduated. I always sort of felt out of place, because I was still a virgin. It was not because I had religious beliefs I wanted to follow, it was just because I didn’t really have a stance on whether I wanted to wait or not. Therefore I decided to do some research and decide how I felt about sex.

I am a very visual person; I like pro/con lists a lot. When researching reasons to wait/not wait to have sex I put them into a chart. Many of the reasons to have sex were to grow emotionally closer to another person, feel pleasure, and show someone how much you love them. However, the reasons not to have sex were very daunting. STIs are among the number one reason to not have sex. They can impact your life and your partner’s life drastically.

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Feb 13

Is your Valentine healthy for you?

Posted By iamincontrol | February 13, 2014

Is your Valentine healthy for you?
Everyone wants to feel special and loved, especially on Valentine’s Day. Does receiving flowers or candy from someone mean that they love and respect you? Can relationships be bad for your health? This blog focuses on what makes a healthy dating relationship.

Studies done over the past few decades have been able to determine qualities of a relationship that can be healthy for us or unhealthy for us. These are some of the characteristics of a healthy relationship.

Each partner is comfortable speaking up, and communicates regularly about what is going on. In a healthy relationship, if something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it instead of holding it in. It’s also just as important to share things you like about your partner along with the things you don’t like.

Each partner respects the other. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. Just as we all want to have others accept us for who we are, it is important that you recognize your partner’s wishes and feelings have value too. Sometimes this can be challenging, especially if you want your partner to share everything you like – but pressuring someone to be who they are not can be unhealthy and may also push them away emotionally. Keep an open mind!

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Feb 5

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

Posted By iamincontrol | February 5, 2014

Love
By Sam

“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love.” – Maya Angelou

The holiday of love is upon us! Valentine’s Day is a great way to show your friends and family how much you love and appreciate them, and finding the perfect gift can get confusing. From teddy bears, to flowers, to chocolates and candies, the options for Valentine’s Day gifts today are endless. But sometimes that perfect gift is something that cannot be bought in the store and is made from the heart.

Homemade valentines are a great way to get in touch with your creative side and to really show your loved ones (or crush!) how much you care. A special message inside a handcrafted card may be just what your loved one needs to feel appreciated. In fact, many people prefer homemade cards and gifts to store bought cards and gifts. Not only will your gift make your loved one or crush feel extra special, but you will feel more confident about yourself with the time and effort you put into your handcrafted gift. So gather your supplies and warm up your rhyming skills because homemade Valentines are great gifts for the holiday of love.

Here are some other creative and thoughtful gift ideas for Valentine’s Day:

  • Baking – Since sweets and treats are very popular gifts for Valentine’s Day, what better way than to make your own treats to share with friends and family.
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Jan 30

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

Posted By iamincontrol | January 30, 2014

Did you know that 1 in 3 young people experience dating abuse?  It’s a serious issue that affects lots of people, which is why President Obama has declared February Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.

On February 11, you can get involved by wearing ORANGE 4 Love to recognize “Get Respect Day” and to promote the importance of healthy relationships.  Encourage your friends to wear orange with you and spread the message.  Share a pic of you and your friends wearing orange on Instagram or Twitter at #orange4love #teenDVmonth #RespectWeek2014.

Are you in a healthy relationship?  Think about it as you hear what other teens describe as a healthy, loving relationship.

Dating abuse isn’t always being physically hurt by your partner.  Dating abuse can be physical, verbal or emotional, sexual, or digital.  Read these IAMincontrol posts for more info on healthy relationships and teen dating violence, or learn more at loveisrespect.org.

If you are experiencing abuse, there is help.  You can chat with someone at loveisrespect.org, call 866.331.9474, or text “loveis” to 22522.  Everyone deserves a safe, healthy relationship.

You are in control of raising awareness about teen dating violence.

Jan 28

A World of Hurt

Posted By iamincontrol | January 28, 2014

A world of hurt
By Anonymous

One of the most difficult things that I faced in high school wasn’t bullying or anything like that. I faced the struggle of power and freedom with my parents.

I started dating a guy when I turned 15, and that’s when it all began. Everything started off okay. I was always home by curfew, and he followed my parents’ rules. Then he started demanding more time with me. It got to the point after a few years where it seemed I was always picking him over my family because he always made everything sound better.

It wasn’t until after about 5 years when I truly began to open my eyes and see what my family and my closest friends had been preaching to me about for so long. I realized finally that my relationship was very toxic. I did whatever he wanted to do and on his time. I was afraid of how he would act if I didn’t. He was mentally and emotionally abusive towards me. He changed who I was as a person. I quit talking to my parents.  If they asked me any sort of question that somewhat related to him, I would automatically snap. I did that because I didn’t want to talk about it. In the back of my mind, I knew I needed to get out, but I never knew how to.

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Jan 9

How Marijuana Affected My Relationship

Posted By iamincontrol | January 9, 2014

Unhappy teen couple
By Brianne

When I was a sophomore in high school, I started dating my first boyfriend. He was a grade above me and we got serious pretty quickly. Everything was amazing at first. He was the perfect boyfriend, and when we would fight, things always got resolved quickly and easily.

Things started changing the summer before my senior year. He was getting ready to go off to college and he was unsure of what to expect from the coming year. One night that summer, he was with his friends and decided to try smoking pot for the first time. He knew that I would not approve so he tried hiding it from me, but he could not keep secrets from me and ended up spilling the beans. It started to cause issues in our relationship very quickly. I had told him that I wanted to know when he was smoking so that I could be aware, but every time he told me; I would get angry with him immediately.

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