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Posted By iamincontrol | May 29, 2014
The summer before my junior year was when my life changed forever. I was raped by someone that I had trusted with my most precious memories. My two-year relationship ended because my boyfriend couldn’t look at me the same. When school started back up in the fall, I ended up having two classes with my rapist. I still remember when he ran into me in the hall and told me to “Smile.” My friend who had been in the other room when it happened started telling kids in our high school. People would whisper behind my back, and I knew I was being judged. Even around my few true friends I felt different. I started pulling away from everyone. Friends, coworkers, even family. I kept falling deeper into this black hole that I didn’t think I could ever climb out of. That’s when I started drinking and experimenting with drugs. There wasn’t a day that went by that I stayed sober, and I couldn’t differentiate between school days, work nights, or weekends. There was no difference to me. I started cutting my ankles. Then I got arrested for driving while intoxicated.
To be able to get this incident expunged from my record, part of my agreement with the courts was to talk to a therapist. For the first few sessions I wouldn’t speak, and then I began to open up. We talked about school, my family, my feelings, my substance abuse and finally the rape. My counselor helped me realize that I was not alone. I had friends and family that I could talk to and that could help me get through what had happened to me. I quit drinking and I quit all the drugs that I had tried. It was hard but by the time I turned 18, I had beat my substance abuse.
What I learned was that I was NOT alone, and if I had realized that earlier, maybe I could have avoided everything that had piled up after the rape. Always remember that no matter what happens, you are never ever alone, and you ARE a survivor. Today I look at my scars and I know I AM A SURVIVOR. I am now in control.