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Posted By iamincontrol | March 14, 2013
Did you know that 9 out of 10 LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning) students have been bullied in the past year? I am one of those students, and I would like to share my story.
It started in middle school. I was dating my best guy friend, thinking I was in love, happy. Yet I wondered. I wondered why I looked at girls the way I did. I wondered if maybe I was just jealous that a girl was prettier than me. I searched and searched for an answer, and I ran across it in my own group of friends. “Gay.” That word scared me so much. I knew that if you were ‘gay’ then you were hated, that if you even did the slightest thing that made you look, or act ‘gay’, people would shun you.
One of my closest friends was gay. I asked her endless questions, like how she knew, when she knew, and what happened when she told her parents. I also looked online and found so much. I found out that about 9 million people are gay in the world!
I asked out this girl in my school that I knew was bisexual. I realized that I was bi too, and I really liked her, so I held hands with her in the hallways.
The school blew up.
I was pushed around, shoved, kicked, called names, teachers wouldn’t talk to me. I just wanted everyone to like me again. And then my parents found out. At first my parents were shocked, and surprised, but they supported me in my questioning. When I was shoved into a locker and called names, my dad came to my school and talked with the principal.
I was told that all of the bullying I was going through was my fault because I came out. It’s not my fault.
My favorite teacher even pulled me aside one day and asked if everything was alright. Before I could get anything out, he asked me if the reason I was acting out was because things at home weren’t going well. He thought I was being bi just to get attention.
I was alone, with just my girlfriend and my parents. My own brothers hated me, and I wanted to die.
Every day I had to watch out behind my back, hoping no one would hurt me while I was walking to class. One teacher even went so far as to say that being gay was a sin, and that anyone who was gay deserved to die. Even in the media, being gay wasn’t allowed.
I got so depressed that I started to self harm. I started to cut my arms, wanted myself to die, and not be bullied anymore. At the time of writing this blog, I have been cut free for 2 weeks, because my friends helped me understand that not only was I hurting myself, but everyone around me.
Now that I’m in high school, I haven’t been bothered as much. Yes, people still call me names, and yeah, they don’t like me, but now people have their own groups. They don’t care about people outside of their groups. And that’s okay.
Even though you might not be sure about your sexuality at first, just keep going at it until you know who you are. Don’t let other people bring you down. You are you, and you are special. You don’t ever have to know who you are, just be what makes you happy. It will be rough at first, but then it will get better.
For more inspiration on overcoming bullying and standing up for yourself, watch the video below from Canadian poet Shane Koyczan.
You are in control of believing in yourself.